St. Pats / by Meg Bashwiner

St. Pats

©2016 Meg Bashwiner (performed in New York with the NY Neo-Futurists in March of 2016)

Meg and Rob are seated the big table with a 2 green beers in pint glasses, 1 bottle of Jameson Fine Irish Whiskey and shot glasses, they are wearing St. Patrick’s day shit- hats and glasses. They affect an Irish accent that fades throughout the play.

MB: St. Patrick’s Day!

RN: St. Patrick’s Day!

MB: St. fucking Patrick’s day Rob Fucking Shamerock Shake Fucking Neill.

RN: You’re name is Megan for feck fucking sake. Look at us culturally appropriating and no one giving a fuck.

MB: Its fecking great Robbie darlin Robbie O’Neill

RN: Me dad’s family comes from Ireland near Derry.

MB: Mine come from Cork.

RN: I’ve been all over, it’s a gorgeous country. Ridiculous cliffs in Donegal. Day drinking in Kilkenny.

MB: I’ve only been to Dublin. I like to think of it as Europe’s Boston. 

RN: My memories of Dublin are blurry, I didn't go see the Book of Kells but I did drink a feck ton in Temple Bar

MB: I’ve been to Dublin twice and didn't go see the Book of Kells but I did go to the Jameson Factory 3 times. They take shot of Jameson.

RN: I prefer Paddy’s.

MB: I prefer bourbon.

RN: Theres lots we can say about our fatherland- its beauty, its tradition, its James Joyce, its Oscar Wilde, its Guinness- 

MB: Its lack of abortion rights.

RN: Yep, That too.

MB: You would think in a first world country with so much drinking and ultimately so much unplanned pregnancy they would want to have safe and legal healthcare for women. 

I remember seeing so many young mothers in Dublin, young, young women, pushing prams looking tired. I couldn’t help but seeing their wasted potential- they will never be the next James Joyce. All because of that damn St. Pat, the St. Patriarchy.

Making abortion illegal doesn't stop abortion, it just stops it for the less privileged. Because you will need money and an ID. to get to England to get your life back. Just like you need money and a driver’s license to get to clinics in Texas- where abortion is actually fucking legal, I suppose we should be happy about that at least. Abortion is punishable by life in prison in Northern Ireland. 

Life. Life. Life. It’s ALL about life. But whose fucking life? The life of person that exists and breathes and thinks and cares and pays taxes and feels and fucks? No. No, not their life because they are female and they are just bearers of men. You can dress it up as religion, you can paint it green with tradition, you can say its about protecting women. But that’s fucking bullshit. It is about oppressing women, holding them back because St. Pat is afraid there is not a enough room at the top. 

She slams a shot

RN: This beer is going to turn our shit green.

MB: You bet

They Drink.